I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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