My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
