Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
