A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
