No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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