not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
