Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
