i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
