3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
