Dual....:-)
I got chris browned last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
