My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to calm my uterus...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
