it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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