Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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