rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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