Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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