hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
im holly from the hills drunk
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
