i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize