I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Randomize
