i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
