i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
