i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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