My first STD was from a foam party
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
