drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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