hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need a beard to bite.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
