but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
