i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
