1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
