just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
