Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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