I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
