the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize