Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
