We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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