you didnt know i had herpes?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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