I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
