I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
