Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
