New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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