I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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