found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
