so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
