she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
