You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
