Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
