There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
