If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
