My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
