Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize