Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
