Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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