Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize