Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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