So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
