so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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