Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
