Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
