Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
