How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
