I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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