My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
