"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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