I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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