Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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