A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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