Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize