What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize