I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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