walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to calm my uterus...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
