my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
