i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
