i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
