first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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